Thank God I’m A Loser

6 min readJul 15, 2023


“Rick Sanchez from Rick Sanchez scene” — Rick and Morty — By Adult Swim (

Here’s the deal: I’m unemployed, I have no formal education, zero tax records, I’ve never voted, I don’t have a social security number and I’ve been diagnosed with just about every category of brain problem imaginable. Mental, cerebral and cognitive. I am the walking definition of what skull-measurers refer to as surplus population.

And for the last few days I’ve realised that maybe that’s a good thing. Because I accept that I’m a loser, but I also want to step back and ask “But what game are we playing?”

So I take a moment to look at the winners. Like celebrities for instance. People who go out of their way to sell lies in the form of impossible consumer driven fantasies and ideals that ultimately fill millions of people with existential dread and despair. The kind of people who call themselves brand ambassadors, who by some magic manage to actually get rich from charity work. Who seem to lie, cheat, swindle and shill their way into yachts and mansions.

And as it turns out, I’m not very good at that.

But that’s only the bronze tier winners.

Then you got the silver medalists. People like Elon Musk. Take a moment to examine just how many billions we’ve poured into his launch pads. And for what exactly? So we can send some apartheid baron to Mars just so that he can build a giant rape lair made out of plexiglass? And people sign up to join his colonisation efforts? He’s just going to hunt you for sport and make upholstery from your remains.

Just like his family did to the natives in Africa. That’s the whole point of colonising places. It allows rich people to do stuff that’s illegal in places other than their remote mercenary states.

And apparently that’s what winners do. They go to Elon Musk’s big scientific expedition that’s finally going to answer the question of what exactly would happen if H.H. Holmes ever decided to build a theme park.

Mark Zuckerburg. There’s another winner. Look at all the lives he’s changed for the better. Thanks to Facebook you no longer need the van and the duct tape and the fake police badge. Facebook offers its userbase a cutting edge and world spanning infrastructure that allow people to groom children at light speed from the comfort of their own living rooms. Will the marvels of technology ever cease?

Doesn’t matter if you got an electronic ankle brace or a restraining order, Facebook will allow you to reconnect with fleeing relatives from all over the world.

That’s why I always found a perverse irony with the #MeToo movement being centered around social media. Talk about supply and demand, am I right?

And then look at the education system, another example of where I really broke some ground in my journey towards being a loser. I was a real life Bart Simpson (and thanks to my Peter Pan complex: I still am!), I was always getting yelled at by the teacher, and then I’d make snide remarks, and then I’d get taken upstairs to get yelled at by the principal.

I’d stay outside until 2 AM at night so my parents would have to go search for me. I’ve lost count of just how many acts of criminal vandalism I did. And all in all: I was the quintessential juvenile delinquent.

And my disdain for teachers is about as strong as the teachers’ disdain for me. People say teachers are underpaid and overworked, that they’re mistreated, that they lack unions, that they do a difficult and underappreciated job… and when I hear this, I scoff. I have no sympathy for those petty social Darwinists who make it their life’s pursuit to cherrypick which children that are going to die in poverty. Why would I? If anything, they’re being paid too much.

In fact, they should be dispossessed as a punishment for their crimes.

And then you have academics. The Vatican clergy of the secular world. The people who, at the behest of corporate trustees, preach the holy gospel of sweatshop labour and third world exploitation. Who prostitute themselves to political think tanks that figure out ways to scam poor people with predatory loans and addictive habits.

And do you know who agree with me on this? Teachers and academics. That’s how dire things are. Age of Awareness publish my writing about this stuff, and that’s a publication primarily aimed at various educators.

A few years back when I expressed these ideas I would frequently be denounced as an anti-intellectual, but now those very same critics are beginning to realise that I was just a canary in a very dangerous coal mine. Turns out that once in a while the crazy street preacher actually is a prophet. Who knew?

But my point is, do you see how dire things would have to be in order for teachers to admit that I’m actually smart? That’s very much in the territory of when pigs fly, or when hell freezes over.

I’m over here calling them the Hitler youth of the Iraqi genocide because of their complicity in indoctrinating three generations of kids into thinking that western parliamentarianism is the only system that harbours populations capable of democratic agency, and they’re like “Yeah you sure earned my subscription, keep up the good work.”

It’s really messing with my head to be honest.

And then there is the issue of morality, where they’re basically the actual Hitler youth. Because all I’m hearing is “There is no such thing as good and evil, instead there is empathy and sociopathy.”

Beyond good and evil? Not only is that Nietzsche, but it’s Hitler’s favourite part of Nietzsche. And reframing moral worth as a pure matter of mental health? That’s eugenics and phrenology. The core of conventional moral teachings in public schools are pretty much just verbatim Nazi ideology. That’s really messed up.

…anyways, that’s why teachers are not underpaid. They’re kind of insane for thinking anyone should be paid to corrupt children with this kind of nonsense.

And I know people sometimes mistake me for this brutally Machiavellian ideologue but I am not without clemency. I am in fact willing to make compromises even with people who harbour fascist ideas.

Obviously I find it out of the question to round up all the Jews, Gypsies and Communists and put them into labour camps, but I am willing to meet them halfway by rounding up all the fascists and putting them into labour camps. That way they can have their labour camps and we can have our freedom, everybody wins.

And speaking of winning, I was talking about education, the first stage on our journeys towards delineating human worth. So who are the winners of education? Last I checked, it’s usually the rich and popular kids who grow up to be industrialists and politicians. The obnoxious and entitled parasites who lie, bully and manipulate their way through life.

These teacher-declared geniuses who spend their university years as binge drinking wastrels who leave a trail of assault allegations and dumpster babies in their wake. As we all make our preparations to inaugurate them into the highest positions of public and private authority that our societies can provide.

Yesterday I spent four hours having a heated debate with a friend of mine who’s almost ten years younger than me about Rick and Morty. And at a glance, that might make me seem like an emotionally immature deadbeat.

But while I was off doing losery things, the winners of the world were running call centres in the Philippines where the employees are treated like dogs. They were drawing up blueprints for their rape lairs on Mars.

They were harvesting data from twitter accounts belonging to twelve year old girls in an effort to figure out ways to elaborate ways to shame them into buying clothing products that are extremely inappropriate for them.

They were covering up oil spills and burning the Amazon rainforest.

They were looking into a million different ways to be a bunch of sleazy capitalist scumbags.

So if you’re a freak, or a spaz, or a loser. If you need to take pills just to get up in the morning. If you have a really cool creative talent that nobody appreciates. If you feel like you’re aimlessly drifting through life without a purpose or a reason to live, then give yourself some credit.

You’re actually one of the good guys. You’re actually part of a group of people who have some kind of idea on how to live sustainably and responsibly within a species that is currently destroying itself.

Sooner or later, it’ll be up to the losers of the world to save humanity. And that’s actually kind of cool.

And it’s also why the Bolsheviks had a point.